Feeling out of place

About a month and a half ago Jason, me, and the kid's went up to visit some friends in PA and I have felt very conflicted about our living situation since. The area of PA we visited was about 1hr outside of Philadelphia, it reminded me of where I grew up in NY except a great deal nicer, it also brought back nostalgic memories of my grandparents who lived near there. Visiting our friends reminded me of what it was like not to live in the city but instead to live a comfortable distance outside it, and it was wonderful!! I felt so relaxed and at ease when I was up there, for once I didn't feel like I had to impress some snobbish city mom who has everything and more for her kid. On the way home both Jason and I said if we could we'd pack up and move straight away, unfortunately Jason's job is tying us down here for at least another 3yrs, what a depressing thought!

I've come to realize how much I despise city life. I can't stand all the snobbish people, traffic is horrendous, coming home to a shoebox of a apartment certainly isn't thrilling, wondering if we'll ever afford a nice home. Everything here really depresses me! Just thinking about it makes me want to tear up, and those few who know me well know how much it takes for me to not only get to that point but more importantly admit it.

I feel so lonely and out of place here, I can't stand it. I feel like I have no real friends here, with the exception of 1 person who knows who she is. Everyone here really lacks substance, and are so fake it makes me want to scream. How am I supposed to survive these next years without losing it?

My pity party is over now.